I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
