I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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