Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
