I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
