party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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