he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
