$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
