things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize