I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
