come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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