New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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