so that wasnt chicken after all
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
