i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize