I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
