hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
