You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
