Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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