Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
