Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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