If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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