Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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