none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
