There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
