How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
