I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Randomize
