yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
