god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
