I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
