at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
