Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
