she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
