Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
