i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
