Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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