I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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