I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
