there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
