shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I look better un-naked...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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