i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
