he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
