tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
