his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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