Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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