found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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