were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
