thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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