I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
