I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
