Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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