she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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