Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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