thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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