And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
