i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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