O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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