i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
