A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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