just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
