He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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