I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
