The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
