I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
