I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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