Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize