so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
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