The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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