whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
