i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
