I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
