I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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