a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize