i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
