Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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