It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
