Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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