I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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