We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
