That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
There r osticjed everywhere
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
