I just pynch a tree in the face
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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