butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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