you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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