K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
