You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
