Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
