remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
