I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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