everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
false alarm. still invincible.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
