he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize