I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
