He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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