ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
