everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have aggressive nipples.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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