Plan B is the new Plan A
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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