You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We left the knife in your bed.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
