worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize