I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
