just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
whose parrot is this?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
