This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
