i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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