I puked a lego.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
