dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
