you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
it's not cheating when I paid for it
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize