Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
