he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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