When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
accomplished twins. life is a go
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
