You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
