just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
