Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
